The 3 P’s: Plan, Pair, Practice
Holidays are coming up, your nephew’s christening, birthday parties, family portraits, first day of school, picture day, going out to dinner, you were asked if your child can be the ring bearer or flower girl at their wedding, being anywhere in the community, going to a family bbq, etc. What should be happy occasions and things you should feel honored about or look forward to in your lives for you and your families, often can be stressful and make you anxious.
As a result, parents tend to not be fully present in the moments of those occasions or the times leading up to it because of the anxiety you are feeling. The pressure feeling like you don’t think you can attend, everyone will be looking at you or feeling like you are being judged or your family is being spoken about. You may try to find an excuse to not have your child participate or want to avoid those occasions all together. OR parents simply just don’t know how to get this done, or how or where to turn for help and guidance with this.
These are all situations that not only frighten parents to their core who have children with Autism, but make parents feel that they are on an island by themselves and that they are the only ones going through this IN THE WORLD. Not only does your child have Autism, but now start peeling back the layers of the onion and see that usually there are many other challenges and difficulties that can often times go along with having a diagnosis. For most people consider these events simple, non-effortful and often times relaxing tasks, many children and their families with a diagnosis find these types of simple everyday activities so difficult, terrifying or even impossible to consider.
So how can you accomplish these tasks and feel the joys that usually accompany these activities? How can you get to a point where you do not have to say “no thank you, I wish we could but…” or hesitate about answering to participate in any of these activities? Well, I am not going to pretend that there is a “magic” answer to this, but what I am going to tell you is that with some hard work, it ALL is possible.
I am going to give you 3 words to remember when you are in a situation like this. Three words that are going to change your perspective on how you move forward and say “yes” to these events and not try to avoid them. These three words will always guide you in accomplishing whatever it is you choose to set forth and do and/or teach your child.
Those words are: Planning ahead, Pairing the environment and lots and lots of Practice using reinforcement. These steps are also referred to as the: “3 P’s” – Plan, Pair and Practice.
Often times, we are so caught up with worrying about getting the proper attire for the occasion, what accessories are we all going to get, what to bring to someone’s house or just work hard at trying to avoid the situation all together that it just doesn’t seem like this is at all possible. Well, I am here to tell you it is. Not only that, what if I told you that the more you face these fears along with planning, pairing and practicing, that you will have more confidence to start doing it more and that it may even get easier the more you do it?
So how do we do it? Let me give you an example:
Let’s pretend we are all invited to a birthday party at a gymnastics place:
A lot of times, we know usually what is expected when we are invited to a birthday party at a gymnastics place. Usually, the children go into a big room with their shoes off, they get to climb, slide, jump and be free to do whatever they choose, etc. for a certain amount of time. Then they go to a sitting room where they would have pizza, a drink, cake and sing Happy Birthday. After that, the party is usually over and everyone goes home. Sounds straight forward, right? Well, although this may seem pretty planned out and organized, for children with Autism, the new environment, being around several people, noises, singing, clapping, transitioning from one room to another, waiting and being presented with food may be very difficult to tolerate all at once. This is where the “3 P’s” takes effect.
Plan: Whenever you choose to do something that you know from the past has been difficult for your child to tolerate or you have never done this before, take a few minutes to map out a plan about how you can go about creating an environment that your child can adapt to fairly easily and as quickly as possible. So, in the example of the gymnastics place, some suggestions about how to plan would be to:
Go ahead of time without your child to see the setup of the gym and what type of equipment was there for your child to go on. If you can’t go there, look it up online and see if that is possible.
Speak to the owner or manager about your situation and see if there is an option to come with your child ahead of the party where it is less crowded maybe more than 1x to work on anticipated issues that may be difficult (i.e., transitions, noises at the facility, equipment, etc.).
Go into each room with your child and expose your child to the gym, eating area, bathrooms, etc. so that it is something they become familiar with for when it is time for the party.
Pair: Think of this environment and situation as a place that needs to be paired up with additional reinforcement.
Pack a bag of highly valuable reinforcers that your child likes specifically for this outing
Deliver these reinforcers continuously as you are walking from your car into the building, into the gym room and other various rooms that they will encounter when at the party
When leaving, be sure to also reinforce leaving and transitioning back into the car to go home.
Practice: (AND LOTS of IT!): This is something that you will need to do more than once. As many times as possible before the big event is what I would say to practicing. This is vital in helping to show your child that this place we are going to or the event that we are involved in is:
Not anything to be afraid of and is fun, however there are certain boundaries, expectations and rules to some events.
A place or event that is paired with positive reinforcement
An event that you may actually enjoy or not mind doing because we took the time to do the 3 P’s: Plan, Pair and Practice beforehand.
Let’s recap:
Plan: Carefully choose one activity to work on at a time. Avoid doing too many activities at once. Go to the event or area ahead of time to look at specifics having to do with the environment. Speak to whomever you need to such as a manager, owner, etc. that can help you work on these areas using the 3 P’s.
Pair: Whatever the activity you choose, make sure that the event and each step in the process is paired with reinforcement. This is a VERY important step that should NOT be skipped. Pairing simply means using an already established reinforcer and using that reinforcer to pair up or create value to something that either doesn’t have value already or has a history of not being something preferred to do. By pairing this activity, event or area with reinforcement, you create an environment that your child will see as somewhere fun to be because of all the reinforcement that is provided during this event.
Practice: Practicing MANY times will not only help your child be less resistant to the environment, but it will also start to build confidence in you that this is possible. This will not happen over night and I will even dare say it even may get a little easier the more you do it and implement the “3 P’s” during each of the activities you choose to do.
To help make this process easier for you and assist you in starting, I created a free downloadable PDF entitled: “The 3 P’s.” This form can be used over and over again. I want you to feel organized and planned out so that you feel ready to go with whatever event you choose to do with your child. To download the PDF, simply enter your name and email below.
For my next Buzz Blog post, I will show you how the “3 P’s” will help you with something even more specific having to do with haircuts. If haircuts is an area that you and your child have difficulty with, you are not going to want to miss my next Buzz Blog post.
Remember: Applying + Learning = Believing.
Until next time…
All my Best,
Sue